Several attempts to write you this letter has been unsuccessful, because I wonder if I could ever deal with the flashback and memories of the times we spent together. For the past twelve months, I have lived in agony and pain, always ruminating about your last words to me.
“You are not a woman for any man to marry”.
Those words got to me very hard that I have not stopped thinking about them and all the wrong reasons why I shouldn’t ever try falling in love again. Honest, I admit I am not perfect, neither have I been perfect during the time I spent with you. I have done very bad things. I regret some of the things I did and wish I could fix them but it seem too late. However, I just discovered I was holier than my accuser. Your accusations of infidelity leveled against me, were mere accusations.
Yes, I did not perform my wifely duties because of my work. I thought you perfectly understood. Work didn’t give me that luxury to be the wife I was supposed to be. I was always at work; the very little time I spent at home on weekends was also taken by activities from church and my girls club. I admit all these.
But I refuse and will always refute the accusation of infidelity you leveled against me in the presence of the church elders. Kobby, you proved to me that you never trusted me nor believed anything I said to you all these years, well that’s okay.
I must however say that I have not regretted marrying you. I have never forgotten the good times we spent together. Your care and respect I enjoyed before the problems started creeping in. I acknowledge the fact that I refused to be on the receiving end of every situation that erupted. Neither did I accept to be the villain of the marriage. However, I was never a cheat. I loved you and never for once did it even cross my thoughts to cheat on you.
Even in times when we had no money, no place to sleep and were living on hope and faith, I did not cheat on you. Why then will I do that when we have both toiled to get where we got to. Rather, my attention totally shifted from being a wife to chasing money. I kept telling myself that I was building a future for my family; Jane and the three other children we planned to have. I rather lost focus of my family.
Yesterday, I met a woman who engaged me in a three hour conversation of how you constantly spent several hours with her daughter, flourishing her with gifts. Kobby, out of trust, I never imagined you were having extramarital affairs until yesterday. You were paying her fees, her rent and giving her monthly allowance, yet made it look as though your work didn’t pay enough to responsibly take care of responsibilities at home. I believed you all these years.
I remember how I had to solely pay Jane’s fees, pay the nanny every month and shop for food staffs for the home from my monthly earnings. Unknown to me, my darling husband was spending on small girls at the expense of his family. Meanwhile, you made it seem as though you were the one doing everything to keep the marriage safe.
Well, I must say that I am not happy you left. I still love you and wish we could work out the differences we all refused to work out. I wish Jane had both parents together and close to her but unfortunately, we have deprived her of that.
Sometimes when I think about what she will go through not having a father’s control and love, I weep and keep praying that the lord strengthens me to be both father and mother she needs.
Kobby, I will however plead with you to always remember that you have a daughter, your first seed and try your best to make her feel loved by her father. Until I find reason to write again, I wish you well in your endeavor.