I should have never trusted my instincts. Telling myself that life is ordinary and that every problem has an expiry date, might have been the dumbest thought I had. There is laughter, lots of them after the tears. I always tried to find consolation in these words, since I had no other option.
I was young, 12, believing my own words. How dumb I was.
‘I hate bad girls! You’re a thief!’ Those were the words that got me sobbing for hours in the secret of my room because I wasn’t trusted.
Those words came from an aunt who believed I stole from a shop. But one thing everybody refused to believe was my story, I was framed. But who will believe a young girl’s words against those of a young man in his late 20s? Who would believe I was framed? I blame no one though.
I never could question why she would believe the story of the young man and not mine. I stayed with you for close to a year, yet you chose to believe the story of a man who you have known for just a month. Though you were not family, I loved you as an aunt. You broke my heart.
At that young age, that was one of the many problems I faced. I was broken and shuttered. Enduring the unbearable pain of such undeserved maltreatment is one experience I pray that no child encounters. It was an experience that will best be understood to behold rather than being told. It was a suicidal situation, because all in one hit me so hard at the exact spot in my heart, I felt it. I could see it; how drained I was in sorrow. Someone has a long life dream and gets it; I don’t get why I have to be different.
So, when then will the silver line be drawn? When then will I crossover to the other side?
That was the genesis of my crushed delirium of life. More of those words hit me hard for two years including many others. I was drenched, psychologically unsound, academically incapable, socialization failure and health disturbed. The irony here was that, I act strong in front of my family making them think I am fine, but am a lie. Nothing was fine.
Wondering where my parents were? Well, I wasn’t living with them at the time, and that practically made things worse. There were no warm arms to run to. Crying, sobbing and lamentations became the norm of my daily routine. I lived each day believing that one day, happier scene of life will be played to me. I always went to bed with the hope of a better tomorrow, which will be filled with naive smiles of a child.
When I finally found way back to mum, it all changed. The reverse became my situation. I was fine. After every suffering comes smiles; at least that’s what I have learnt from my journey to adulthood. It is true. True!
BY: REBECCA FRANS